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Dad Was a Soldier First
Published September 2001

Guy Wheatley
The Texarkana Gazette

Dad was a soldier first. My mother knew that before she married him. I knew that as far back as I can remember. He was a wonderful father and a loving husband but, in practical terms, those came second to being a soldier.
I'm not talking about some made for TV movie version of a soldier's family. I didn't wear combat boots or use Brasso on my belt buckles. Our house was decorated about like any American household of the 60s. I didn't salute my dad or call him sir. He was Dad and that's what I called him. A real soldier gets enough of that crap on base and doesn't want to bring it home with him. The things that made us a military family were much subtler and went much deeper.
From the summer of 1961 to the summer of 1966 we were stationed in Germany. Dad was an instructor with the Weapons Assembly Department's European Theater Headquarters in Obberammergau.
This was the height of the cold war. Military thinking at the time was that any Soviet invasion of Europe would start through the Fulda gap, just 100 miles or so to the north. Dad was there to stop it. We were there with Dad. My parents had to deal with the realization that when things heated up, Dad was going off to war and we would be left to get out of the country without him. That is what I mean when I say Dad was a soldier first.
They didn't con themselves into believing it would never happen. We were there during the Cuban Missile crisis and when President Kennedy was assassinated. War seemed imminent in those days. The question was, "when" not, "if" and most people thought the answer was "soon." They didn't con me either. I knew and understood, as well as a six-year-old can, what was going on. The funny thing is that my memories of that time are happy. I felt loved and safe.
My feelings of security didn't come from an out of sight, out of mind mentality. I knew there were bad people in the world that would do bad things. I also knew that Mom and Dad would take care of me. I knew that because I saw them practicing and getting ready. They patiently explained what would happen and what I would have to do. We kept suitcases packed and I knew where mine was. We had food. Once a year we replaced the case of K-rations that we kept in the event of evacuation. It became a ritual I looked forward to. I got to eat "soldier" food from the old case.
In October of 1962, Dad had to leave us for a little while and go deal with the bad men. Mom said she might have to take me and my sisters back to America. If we had to go, some soldiers would come help us. Gosh, it was exciting. I got to carry my suitcase, and maybe I'd get to eat some more of that soldier food. I might even get to ride in the back of one of those army trucks that have canvas on the back, like a covered wagon.
None of that neat stuff happened. I didn't get to ride in the truck or eat the soldier food. Mom took my suitcase back and worst of all, I had to go back to school. Yuck!
In the wake of the World Trade Center destruction I've heard people say, "my children are afraid. What do I tell them?" Let me tell you what worked in 1962 for a six-year-old, living closer to the bad men than Little Rock is from Texarkana.
"Mom and Dad love you and are going to take care of you. We know the bad men are there and we are watching them. If they misbehave, here is what we will do and here is what we want you to do. Even if Dad can't be with us, he has made sure that we know what to do and he has friends that will help us."
Don't lie to your children, they will know. Tell them that you are prepared for the unexpected, and be sure that you are. Involve them in the planning and be sure that they know what to do. Children are afraid of the unknown. They are rarely afraid of anything they can understand, or that Mom and Dad know about. When things get scary, they will look to Mom and Dad. They will be less frightened when they see that Mom and Dad love them and know what to do.

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